The Three Little Words That Changed Everything.

And no, they’re not “I love you.”

For much of my life, I’ve said these three words countless times without really fully meaning them.

How are you?

We say it at the school gates, in the queue at the shop, at the start of meetings and emails. It’s often more of a greeting than a genuine inquiry. And the standard British response?

“I’m fine, thanks. You?” End of conversation. Keep moving. Don’t go too deep.

But something shifted in me over the past few years or so. I started to really ask the question. Not as a pleasantry, but as an opening. A doorway. A moment of pause that says: I care what the answer is. I’m listening.

I’ve also made a conscious effort to respond truthfully when someone asks me how I am. Not to overshare or burden, but to be real. To say, “I’m tired today,” or “Actually, it’s been a bit of a tough week,” or even, “I’m feeling calm and grateful this morning.” And something beautiful has happened in the space that creates.

When I answer honestly, it gives the other person permission to do the same. When I ask with intention, I invite something deeper. When I listen with openness, I begin to understand: myself and others, more fully.

What I’ve learned:

• That people want to be heard far more than they want to be “fixed.”

• That naming how we feel is the first step toward accepting where we are.

• That asking “How are you?” and meaning it is a radical act of compassion.

By slowing down enough to ask the question, really ask it, and by being brave enough to answer it truthfully, I’ve discovered a deeper layer of connection. Not just with others, but with myself.

It’s in this space that self-awareness begins to take root. When we stop dismissing our feelings and start noticing them with curiosity rather than judgment, we open the door to something profound:

Self-acceptance. Realisation. Empowerment.

So today I ask you, not out of habit, not for politeness, but from a place of genuine care:

How are you, really?

And whatever the answer is, please know this: it’s okay to be exactly where you are. That’s where all change begins.

Naomi Hurst